Chapter 1
I have to start this post with a confession: I really had a tough time feeling sorry for the author! Before you think I am heartless let me say that I am listening to the audio book as well as reading the book and it is narrated by the author herself so when you hear her talking about how spoiled she was after her divorce and whining about how tough it is to have to go shopping for new clothes because she lost weight! She travels to visit mother Theresa for goodness sake! Who does that? I am showing my green aren't I, but she even describes herself as a "divorced princess" so I guess she assumed we would see it that way too!! OK there I vented, now I can go forward thanks for letting me share :-) !
Then I went back and red the bible verse she starts the book out with at the top of Chapter 1
My life flies by - day after hopeless day. (Job 7:6, TLB)
And I realised any of our lives can feel hopeless irregardless of how much wealth, influence or opportunities we have, it is all relative. It also gave me hope for myself, because if she can go to Calcutta and live with Mother Theresa and still have work to do then there must still be hope for me, and I am not as slow as I feel.
What Katie describes as a "Longing for Purpose" I think is what I really mean when I say I have no talents or purpose. Her way of saying it sounds much nicer! I think I will change what I am claiming with that statement and steal hers for myself. I do feel like I am getting ready to start down a path that will change my feelings about my purpose and the path of my life, and I think this book is going to be a part of that journey.
I love how she can look back on the years she was learning her purpose with such clarity and how she sees each step so clearly in hindsight. The fact that there were years in between them scares me a little but also reminds me how impatient we are, "I want to know my purpose now please". I would rather not go through the years of learning and hurting and growing, thank you very much. I think if God granted my request and gave me all the knowledge I needed right now my head and heart would probably explode, which is why he lovingly doles it out slowly.
The Do-Be-Do philosophy is very applicable for this phase of the journey, I tend to look long term to much and wonder "are we there yet?" and forget that today is such a blessing and a huge step in the path!
Chapter 2
This chapter has gotta suck for a lot of us! I will be completely vulnerable here and say that if I had not already dealt with most of the bricks in my backpack (or at least begun to deal with) I could not have gotten past this step, but I noticed I just said "in my backpack" so apparently they are not completely gone! When she asks us to list 5 things that have caused us grief at the end of the chapter I was a little shocked to realize I have experienced almost all of them, really I am only missing the mark by 1 or 2 and I think one of them I only miss by semantics!!
I love that she uses Psalm 56:8 "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." Luckily I decided a long time ago to trust God to use my past for good as she asks us to do, but that does not mean I have healed completely either, I just trust that I will and that God loves me and will use it for good. I deal with my crap when it happens, those of you who know me, know that I cry like I laugh! I am not one to keep things bottled up (well at least the big things :-), but I honestly wish I was better at just unpacking my backpack and leaving the bricks at the feet of Jesus and never picking them up again! I wonder which of the issues I have dealt with in my life God will use to help others, knowing that there are a few which would take a lot more growth on my part before I would be able to help anyone else with them and to be honest being a little scared of that growth. I hope that God will lead me to a place where the things of my past can be used to help others either to keep them from going through them at all, or dealing with them better than I did, or being able to show them an example of God's love and healing.
I heard something recently that really struck a cord within me, the speaker said we are always asking why bad things happen to good people when in this fallen world we should be saying it is amazing and we should thank God everyday that good things happen to good people at all!
We all deal with heart ache and disappointment, it is up to us how we use those events to help others and how to make sure people see God's love for them through us. I love what Katie says " God's pleasure is to make good out of bad. He is your loving and generous Father. He has a way of delicately wrapping all the parts of your life together as a package deal to give you hope and purpose."
Her second question at the end of the chapter makes me cry because I realize how much God loves me! Through all of the grief of my life some imposed on me by others and some self imposed, to God it does not matter, he has used so much of my grief for good in my life, even the fact that he has carried me through some of the events in my life is an amazing act of grace and love in itself. I am a lucky girl! We are all lucky girls! We may have a ways to go on this road or some of you may be further a long the path but we all have a God who will continue to love us no matter how long it takes us to figure out our purpose. That knowledge gives me such hope and a burning desire to give that hope to other women not as lucky as us.
Here we go girls, I think this semester is going to be a great adventure! I think we are going to know a lot more about each other when it is over!
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11 comments:
Michele H., what a wonderful job in starting off our semester and our pathways to purpose! I have to agree there were times I was having a really hard time feeling sorry for this author, but the more I read into the chapter the more I could relate to where she was coming from.
I can't remember when the first time was that I asked God, "Why does life have to be so hard?", "What is it all about about? "What is my purpose here on earth?" What I do remember was the moment in time when I turned away from God for not giving me the answer to those questions. I wasn't willing to wait for "the reveal".
In hindsight I wish I wouldn't have given up on my faith so quickly, for it has been a long, and sometimes treacherous journey trying to understand the purpose of life on my own.
I am starting to recognize now, that when I needed it most, an amazing source of great strength and love had passed through me and allowed me to persevere even those moments when I thought life would break me. I have to ask myself, "Was this God's strength and love working through me?"
I truly believe my pathway to purpose right now is to continue on my spiritual journey; to open not only my mind, but also my heart to the possiblity of God's love and mercy.
I look forward to reading more of, "The Pathway to Purpose", and to getting to know more about all you beautiful working women!
Michelle T.
Ok ladies, sorry it has taken me so long but I'm ready to comment now!! As it turned out, these two chapters were not as hard as I thought they would be. I'm sure my husband will be the first one to agree with me when I say that I'm the type of person who wants things "right here, right now!". This was a very hard thing for me to push aside when it came to letting God in my life. Actually, it still is something that I struggle with. I do realize that HE is trying to push me down that pathway (did you see that I said push...hehehe...I'm kind of hard headed!)but sometimes I feel like everytime something good happens...BAM, I get smacked in the face with something bad. Then I have to ask, "Why" and it's so hard not to just give up.
As for the second chapter all I can say is BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!!!! Ok, actually within the last 7 months I have dealt with so much of my...hmmm...lets say inner-devil that this chapter was good for me. I do trust God to use my past for good. I honestly can't wait for the day that he does. Having been a teenage mother at 15, I would love nothing more than to mentor to other girls in that same situation. I really think that is one of my wishes.
First of all, I knew you were going to do a great job starting us off and see........you did.
One of the beauties of sharing a book like this is all the different things we come away with. I actually could relate to a lot of what Katie said in chapter 1 and I did not think she was spoiled:) I did not get the analogy to "It's a wonderful life" because I have not watched that movie. But when she described George Bailey as having issues because of his unrealized dreams and feelings of uselessness I totally could relate. When she talked about being divorced at 35, I viewed her statements from the perspective that this was someone who started dating her husband before college and had an entire life built that was her identity and one day it wasall gone. She started building this life before college. Guys - before college. They had kids. Her entire adult life was with this man up until that point. I understood when she points that she had a lot of privileges - and despite those privileges, she was unhappy and unfulfilled. Does this sound familiar? Even if we are not as financially fortunate as Katie?
Katie's problems seem to be compounded by the fact that she desired a "Joan of Arc-type cause or a unique purpose to champion." I have questioned in the last several months whether my problem is that I keep desiring something bigger. I have always had a lot of dreams and been ambitious. I am passionate about certain things. And I can't help but look at those dreams, placed on hold, and question whether I should be doing something more. I sometimes wonder "what am I doing that is so important?"
What I got out of chapter 1 was that I am not the only one who questions my validity and fulfillment - and the fact that someone put it in a book and even "stole" some of my thoughts makes me realize that I am just one of many, many, many women going through a phase. And it is important how I deal with my doubts.
As for chapter 2.......It is funny how you think you have left things behind and bam, they come around and slap you upside the head. I learn more and more about myself each day. Sometimes something happens and I all of sudden realize I have an undealt with issue. I cannot deal with all my past hurts in one week. Some have been a work in progress, some are still undiscovered, some are presently raw. I don't feel physically and spritually ready to move full-speed-ahead, as Katie says, to fulfill my purpose or anything really.
How exactly do you forget the past for the crucial first step? Forget? Gloss over and act like you're okay - that I know and understand. But forget? I know I do (dearly) want to unload excess weight and move forward. But sometimes I feel like I can't get past some hurdles.
I think I would feel better if I knew how my hurts could help others. There are some experiences that I have known when I needed to draw on them to help others, or when they have made me stronger for other battles.
BTW, why does this thing not have spell check?
Congratulations! Michele, you have certainly started us off with a "bang" and given me alot to process.... I still love ya, though (smile).
Some of you know I struggle with this book and have really had to go back through a few times to find the morsel of nourishment meant for me. Hence my delayed response.
The one thing that really seems to stick to me was the quote: "The whole life of the good Chrisitian is a holy longing." This really kind of sums up my views on life and faith. For me, the journey is the most exciting and rewarding aspect of my being. I don't know what the Lord has intended my purpose on Earth to be, I just know I'm excited about this ride I've been taken on to get there. Sometimes the ride has been incredibly bumpy, sometimes horribly boring, sometimes breath-takingly fast, many times excruciatingly painful, and other times just plain beautiful. The only thing that's been consistent is God's steadfast love and guidance (when I come to my senses and actually turn towards it!) and the knowledge that I'm never alone... NEVER! THAT, my sisters, is my "hallelujah!" No matter what, Christ will be there (even if he's just watching me, shakin' his head goin' "Dammit! Didn't I warn you that would happen?!") to help me through.
Like I said, I don't know my ultimate purpose in life. I do understand this "holy longing"; this almost physical desire to want and to be more. I think that's the way it's supposed to be. I think if we decide, "Whew! Finally, I've found my purpose, now I can take a nap!" - well, I think we've missed the point. For me it's not the destination as much as it is the route being taken. I don't know my ultimate destination, but I do know Who's always with me to make sure I arrive safely and on time... and that we enjoy the journey. Together.
(Although I DO wish God would go ahead and run a spell/grammar check for me on this leg of our route!)
Hey! I haven't commented until now because I just finished the chapters! My very first thought when I started was; "It's a Wonderful Life!," that's one of my favorite movies : ) It is a tradition in my family and we watch it every year at Christmas time and I still cry EVERY time at the end.
I actually had the opposite kind of reaction when Katie was talking about becoming a divorce princess. I have only ever experienced the woman going into full blown survival mode, having to get two jobs, putting kids in day care, after care, not having much support from the hubby, etc. etc... So, I was kind of like; "wow! that happens?!?!" I have to admit, it kind of made me smile inside a little.
One thing I think is so important to note is that even though she had so many material things and was able to travel all over, it still meant nothing! She felt lost!
When I read all that, I kept thinking about my dad. I imagine that is how he must feel. All his roles have been taken away, or have changed, since my mom died. He has no one to provide for anymore, no one to take care of or do things for, and I don't think he knows who he is apart from her. I mean c'mon, he was dating her since he was 16! They dated for 5 years and were married for 35 years! There are many times when I look at him and he seems very lost. From even before my mom went home to be with Jesus I would pray for my dad that he would find his purpose in life. God's purpose and meaning, and that he would find his identity again by remembering who he is in Christ.
Alrighty. I love when she writes that God designed each of us to connect with others, to know and become more like Christ, serve in ministry, magnify Him with our lives, and share the good news of the gospel. It is so true.
Today I can say that I have full confidence that God WILL use everything that we have gone through for a purpose. Don't be fooled though girls, I didn't always feel that way. I had to go through some stuff, if ya know what I am saying, to get to this point!
Regardless of our own free will, sometimes stupid choices, or the painful situations and times in our lives we have been through - I truly believe that If God couldn't use it for a purpose (for Him) I don't believe we would have ever gone through whatever it was in the first place. But the only way that can happen is by us being open to God to work in our lives.
I have been through so many things in my life - but I see how God is using each and every difficult time to minister to others. One thing I can say for sure is that God brought me through. Not me and my own strength (which is what I thought at one time, from the time I was a teenager into my early 20's). Not anything this world can offer (which is what I hoped and sought after for a while too). It was God who brought me through.
I wont lie, the trials were at times almost unbearable, and seemed never ending when going through them, but God is faithful and He will work ALL things for good to those who love Him (which I do!) and who are called according to His purpose (which I am!), so I trust God to keep His promise! I don't always understand how He can possibly use some of the stuff - but I know He said He will, so I believe Him : )
Ooopsies, sorry, I didn't realize that would be soooo long!
Alright, me one more time. Kori, I was thinking about what you were saying about forgetting the past to move forward. I don't think God wants us to forget so to speak. If we forgot, how would we ever empathize with someone going through what we went through? We wouldn't be able to. From experience I can only say that when we truly surrender the issues, events, situations whatever they may be, to the Lord and allow Him to work, He makes it so there is no more pain or hurt associated with it. He fills up that space with His peace and His love. So we don't necessarily forget, but we are no longer paralyzed or heart broken over the past hurts. Does that make sense?
What we say here, stays here. Right?
So, with that, I go forward with my comments. I thought that I had dealt with my past hurts and moved on from them. HOWEVER, since I had to sit down and write them out, I realized that not all of them have been dealt with.
It was good for me to read (again) that God will use them for good. I even got to think about how some of my hurts and successes have been used to minister to people. I just didn't think that these things were all part of my purpose in life. How cool is that!?
Asolutely Kris. And I agree with you. I think using the phrase "forget" like she does in parts of the book is misleading. As humans, we don't forget. Well, hopefully you know what I mean.....we sometimes push things back but we don't really forget. But what I need to focus on is "dealing" with the pain and hurts and things that I have buried and glossed over.
I am ashamed to say that one of those areas I need healing in is my relationship with my mom. I have always felt like admitting the pain & hurt received from her would be advertising to the world that I did not come from a healthy, normal, Christian family. But in the last 4-5 years (this journey started when I turned 30) I have realized more and more that there are undealt with issues that I am actually afraid of. More in the next post. I don't want to keep typing and not even realize whether or not I am doing this right:)
I did get to a place where I realized that my mom was just a person like me. She loved me and sacrificed so much for me and my sisters. Like all Christians she struggles. But my mom is one of the most admired and most loved women in her community. She gives so much of ler life and love to her church and to helping others. But I know she is not perfect. She has hurt me in so many ways. And perhaps that is a big part of why my issues re my relationship with her have gone undealt with for so long. To the point that when I turned 30 and started thinking about whether or not I wanted to have kids, all sorts of "mother" issues started coming up.
I had convinced myself that I was mature enough to realize that I KNEW she loved me and never meant to injure me. I was mature enough to know that just like I had my struggles as a growing Christian, my mom had her struggles as a human being trying to walk after Christ. What an inadequate approach I took. I see that I have taken a toxic approach and not even known it.
There is no way to convey all the thoughts in my head and heart about this except to say (Katie and Dawn said it too I think) I want to see where all this will help me in my ministry and to help others.
Another place I really want to get to, is understanding how this all ties in........I am not a patient person and I freely admit it. I am reflective and like to sit and think and so I sometimes bring up things I did not know were there.....But I am eager to feel more whole about everything. I feel like I am not making much sense. I so desire to be able to see the big picture. I sense some of these past hurts are related to present obstacles - I want to deal with that.
Right now finding purpose in my day to day activities is proving very hard for me. That is a whole other blog and a whole other story but that will be my focus this week.
There is a place where what we know in our heads & hearts about God's promises and word comes together with our reality. I know He has a purpose for every single experience. I know He has a plan for me bigger & better than anything I could come up with myself. I guess I better get srated on that patience........again.
I need to go read Monqieu's post.
Oh, Kori...you made perfect sense! It's nice to read your struggles and recognize there are others out there dealing with some of those very same issues. Your self-acualization is what is helping you to grow into the beautiful woman you are becoming to yourself, your friends and family and eventually to your own children, should that be God's will. Thank you for sharing.
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